AN ENDING: READY FOR A STORY?

Isn't it funny how one small action can cause a reaction, equally something so beautiful?

Deciding to talk my pup on his fifth walk today we trotted down to the neighborhood eatery called Jims Famous Burgers - there's nothing really FAMOUS about them, but they do give generous portions of french fries. I ordered JJ a small ice cream and myself one as well, we do this at least once a week! As I was starring at the beautiful new waiter they have recently hired in the last few months I looked over and saw my neighbor with her two kids.

Andrea was practically my best friend from seventh grade until junior year of high school. I remember when I first met her she didn't like me too much. I'm not sure if she thought I had a crush on her or if she flat out thought I was wierd - who knows. Eitherway I remember her telling my best friend Erica to tell me that she couldn't hang out with me because it was against her religion - ya' know the things kids say to other kids, so funny!

Andrea and I bonded and were always together. After school she was at my house, or i was at her house. Andrea and I were cool! My mom would often take her to school in the morning and we would hardly ever go a day without talking. My mom loved her and I thought the world of Andrea.

My junior year of high school we had an argument (he said, she said shit) that was passed through so many people that she decided to never speak with me again. I remember the next two years as being very sad because I cared for her so much as a friend and the things she claimed I knew I never said. I remember crying in the quad on numerous occasions because my conviction was so strong - needless to say we never became friends again and she went her way and I went mine.

Over the years her family and my family have never spoken and it weighs heavy on my heart. Her mom and dad were always nice to me but my family in particular really liked Andrea. When my mom passed I really did wish that Andrea was there to say goodbye - even if it was 9 years after we had last spoke. Yah, Andrea was a great friend - shit we had a crush on the same guy, I will not name who!

Whenever I see Andrea on the street we live on we have always ignored each other - 10 years of ignoring is a bit rediculous I think! I often think about her and always dream about her and her family. The most recent dream I had involving her and her mom was exceptionally sad. I dreamt that I had gone over to their house and approached the mom and made peace with her. Her mom essentially told me that they were okay with me, but not okay with my mom - in the dream my mom was still alive.

Tonight I made a decision to go over and make a move. While I understand it will not bring us back together as friends, hopefully I created some peace and small dialogue. Introducing myself to her two kids, I made small talk with her, smiled and told her about my child - JJ, who was waiting outside. She smiled and was nice, which was all that I wanted from her.

Next time I see her I am anxious if we exchange a wave or smile - I hope so, she is an incredible person and I miss smiling at her.

Very seldom do I wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed - especially at 7 am.
Indeed I do wake up at 7 am every morning to watch Good Morning America but I often just lay there, comotose, procrastinating of when I will get up and be "responsible."
Oh Lord I am reverting back to the days when I was a child. When I was a kid my mom would wake me up at 7 am every morning without fail. Of course I would fall back asleep until 7: 30 when my mom would yell from outside my room "Are you up?" And I wasn't - she would then tell me that she would be out in the car waiting, giving me ten minutes to get ready. The scarey thing is, I can still hear her yelling at me to get up, that is one thing I do not miss... it would re-wake me up so quick it would scare the shit out of me!
So why as I woken so quickly this morning? Three reasons actually.
1. I had to unlock the gate for the gardner.
2. A friend had text messaged me last night letting me know he is okay (I was concerned).
3.Another good friend called me informing about his new business venture, it got me thinking because well... I can't say! All I can say is that I know what he is going through.

I guess I will take a shower and get off to work extra early today! I am going to try and make it a good day - you should do the same!

OLD PICTURES

I thought today I would upload some old pictures of me and my friends from years past. Above is my good friend Johnny and I walking around a cold Boston two Christmas' ago! !
Above is one of the first guys I ever had a crush on. Byron was all man and had me wrapped around his little finger, and while it didn't work out for certain reasons, I respect him to this day because he never took advantage of my affection that I had for him. Byron and I still run into each other once in a while on a certain website, and i wish I could see him again, however Byron knows how to disappear very well - unfortunate. The only thing I can say about the picture above is P-I-M-P. The photograph was taken at my going away party before I left the city of Long Beach. The girls kissing me are Amy and Nicole...DAMN I LOVE THIS PICTURE!!!

HAPPY AND SAD

Last night and today at work I had mini-nervous breakdowns. I am increasingly getting more and more frustrated with the medicine I am forced to take to feel better. I have never been the type of person that has had to take different kinds of medication to ensure my well-being so to start at age 28 years old is a major change for me.
I know it must sound very pitiful to cry over taking medication because of my car accident but reflecting back at this weekend I hated being "controlled" by some prescription a doctor gave me.
At work today proved to be the worst - especially on my neck. The pressure of work combined with my personal injuries I almost lost it again.

So what is going well in my life? What am I grateful for?

I have to say, again, that I'm so grateful for the great relationship that I have with my brother. Sometimes I marvel at what good friends we are and how well we connect. I am also glad that I have a home I can come to everyday. Very few people have a place to call a "home." For those who don't know me very well the house I live in now I was raised in since birth. So much has happened in this house and I'm very fortunate that I can home to this beautiful house!

What are you guys grateful for? I know I only have a handful of readers but it would be nice to know what you guys/girls say!

Thanks so much for your insight and reading!

Love ya all!

I'M NOT WHINING

I feel like ever since I got into my car accident all I have been doing is complaining. Nearly two weeks since the accident my back and neck are still messed up. Nearly two weeks since the accident and I have been on the most medication than I have ever been on in my life! Six 800mg iburprofen a day, then a muscle relaxer at night started it all. After that proved not to work they then put me on valium and vicodine.

I didn't try the valium over the weekend but the vicodine was pretty awful, making me dizzy, light headed, nautious and in the state of mind that I was drugged by someone.

Ugh, am I complaining? I'm sorry guys....talk tomorrow!

FRIENDS

I tend to think very highly of my friends - that's a fact! When push comes to shove I consider myself a loyal friend who will always stick up for my closest friends and will go to bat for them 24/7.

While I have many acquaintances, I have to admit that I have very few friends - and I like it like that. Done intentionally, I choose to surround myself with a lot of people but invite very few people in to get to know who I truly am!

Friends are so important to me, and the ones I do have I thank God for them almost everyday. With my recent car accident I have realized who my friends are. One in particular is TJ. TJ has come to my aid just with his random phone calls to check on me and to ask if I need anything - those phone calls I truly appreciate. I know TJ will never read this so I feel comfortable to say that he is a great friend that not too many people know and I am lucky - i don't want to share him!

In regards to friends, I just read an article on Francois' blog about his work in the porn industry. Him and I spoke in length about ways he addresses people that he used to work for and we agreed to disagree on the convo - which doesn't matter, i still love and respect him. I won't go into the logistics of everything but I hate to see people hold grudges. My brother tends to do this and I feel as if it brings out the worst in you. I firmly believe in forgiving the other and moving on. I purposely don't stay mad and harbor any ill feelings toward anyone after a certain point - not only does this makes me feel better as a person but I truly believe that it invites good karma into my life.


Reading his latest interview, which you can read by clicking here you can read all about my friend and find out more about him. I am glad that I can call him my friend because he is a great, kind man! Reading his interview, and I hope he forgives me for what I have to say, but I don't think he gives himself enough credit.

Francois is a humble guy who doesn't really know how much power and positive energy he possess. Good people like him it makes me angry when people take advantage of him and I know many people who have treated him cruely and taken advantage of his niceness. I am not psychic by any means but I can't wait to see what develops in his life - he will be very successful.

Another person who I also love dearly and you will find out more about is my Karen.
Karen is a girl who marches to her own drummer - to say the least. Getting married yesterday (Saturday, August 8, 2007) in Las Vegas, I will update my blog more tomorrow to tell you about my weekend in Vegas. Karen and the rest of the wedding party can attest that for me the weekend was both memorable and agonizing because of my back and neck injuries!

Love you all...good night my friends~!

MY BACK AND VEGAS

Today was the day that I went back to the doctor to have them look at my back again!
I was amazed that when the told me I would have to wait that it would take me three hours to get in, be looked at, have x-ray's taken and get my drugs - codine and vicodin (did i spell those correctly?). They said that my back muscles are severly strained and my neck is a bit messed up so I will likely have to go see a specialist if it is not feeling better by Wednesday. I would've thought my back was more injured than my neck - my back feels like an 80-year old man, my neck only feels like it's about 50!
After the doctor I had to jump in the rental car and head to Vegas - not exactly what I was looking forward to but I had to. My back was in no condition to drive four hours, and let me tell you I was in utter pain, but thankfully the drive went by very quick. I found it very relaxing driving by myself, thinking out all the shit that has been going through my mind and listening to any song I want to on my iPod. While I am not looking forward to the drive home I have a feeling it will all be worth it - this weekend is going to be a blast!
I honestly didn't know what to expect from this weekend. As many of you already know my good friend Karen (from Michigan) is getting married on Saturday (tomorrow) so i drove up here just for her. She told me that her mom rented a house for us to stay in but again, I wasn't sure what kind of house. When I pulled up I was amazed of how big the house was - swimming pool, jacuzzi and all! I will take some pictures and post them for you all to see!!! Her mom said that the house is rentable at a great price of $400 a night. It sounnds like a lot of money but the home easily fits 10 people - comfortably and it comes with a fridge, stove, bar, and all the ammenities you'd find in a home. The house is 10 minutes from the strip and it is well kept - again, I will post pictures soon!
Gotta go, we're BBQ'ing tonight, I can't wait until we go out to the gay clubs tonight - thank God I am around a bunch of fag hags!!!
Stay Tuned...
SjB