Saturday, February 28, 2009


It's a record, and I'm not complaining! This week Perez Hilton has managed to mention Depeche Mode twice, his most recent posting is about Depeche Mode is the first band to premiere what is called the iTunes Pass. His post was a fair one and didn't speak ill of the band that's been around for 30 years . i say this because for the past two weeks he has done nothing but trash the new U2 album *hahahahaha*. His first post for Depeche Mode this week was debuting their new video for 'Wrong,' and all-in-all, all but two or three people loved the song and the video - that's a good thing!



Last night I went to American Apparel and loved their new shirts that make a bold statement to defeat Prop. 8 - pretty amazing!

Telephone stop looking at me so deviantly, I won't pick you up. Closing my eyes is a better option for me. Telephone stop looking at me so deviantly.

Gummy Act

The first day the visitors from Spain came into town they serenaded me with a medley. A medley that had my scratching my head and wondering 'What are these guys on?'

The mash-up I called it was a mix between The Gummy Bears theme song and the song below "I Will Follow." The funniest part was that they were almost certain the two belonged together. The end result was me playing both of the songs to show them that the two are completely different bodies of work. Oh, the other end result was me not being able to get the Sister Act song out of my head, it finally reached a head when I had to play it yesterday on YouTube from my car stereo. Imagine three gay dudes and a pit bull driving down a winding mountain with the convertible top down listening to the Sister Act theme song? Can you imagine that... I know, very scary! I have to admit it was pretty hilarious to hear the boys sing the song in sync and butcher the lyrics. My only wish is that I could have captured the event of them singing it with such hope in their eyes on camera to share... next time!


It's almost 7:30 on Saturday and I just got back from taking Francesco and Damien to the airport - I'm exhausted! I was so sad to see them go but my body couldn't take anymore. If you have ever had friends in from out of town you know the 'go-go-go syndrome' you get into. You essentially feel like you should always be on and entertaining them, there really isn't downtime - but if there is then you're planning your next venture in your mind.

Hopefully I will see them next month for the GAYVN Awards in San Francisco, it's been entirely way too long since I've seen my friends and I don't want that amount of time to go by again!

The final day they were in town (being yesterday) was probably the most fun we had - and I'll get to that after I get some much needed (and deserved) rest. For now check out the ultra cute picture I took of them with JJ up in the San Gabriel Valley mountains on an overcast Saturday!

Friday, February 27, 2009


Today Damien and I walked to my local supermarket in Monrovia and there were a lot of trailers which appeared to be a filming crew. I was inquisitive so I asked the checker and she said they were filming a Foster Farms commercial with the their trademark chickens. Damien had no idea who they were and I could only see a slight image of the chickens through the monitor but nevertheless it was pretty cool for them to be filming at a no-frills, neighborhood supermarket in Monrovistan. Oh, and Damien now knows who the Foster Farm Chickens are thanks to YouTube!


My room is a work in progress. Over the past few months I've attempted to make my room a tranquil resting place. I believe that three elements can help sleep and decrease stress: religion, fire and water. Today I added Siddhārtha Gautama to my room *what you see to the left* and placed him at the highest point, overlooking everything in the room. Why is this so important? Siddhārtha Gautama was the founder of what we now know as Buddhism. Not only a spiritual teacher he taught the concept of living in moderation, this is not called the 'Middle Way.'

Now more than ever do I as well as us as a society need to incorporate more consistency into our lives, dodging the temptation to live beyond our means and too much self-indulgence.





Thursday, February 26, 2009


Today we visited The Tar Pits, Downtown LA and Stockroom Leather Company - what a diverse outing huh? Tomorrow, our last full day together should be an absolute blast! I am going to miss Damien and Francesco when they leave town... come back soon boys!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


For weeks I've been hurting. I'm tired of lying about it, I'm tired of pretending telling all of my friends that everything is okay when it's not. I feel as if the past two weeks I've been on auto pilot going through the motions of 'being happy.' I'm sure this is not the first time another person has felt this sort of sadness - but maybe I'm the first to ever blog about it or publicly admit it.

Before I wrote these words above I confided in my coworker/supervisor of my recent feelings towards a guy I was dating. I can tell she was a bit surprised that I was giving a person that i only knew for a few weeks so much attention/power. Was I on the rebound? Was it just some type of lust? I couldn't quite peg why I felt so betrayed... why did he hurt me so much? By no means had I fell in love, however his personality, charisma, and visual appearance made it extremely easy to get along with. Did I feel like we were a match? Yes. More than the Italian? Yes, a thousand times over! My ego was a bit bruised by even in situations like this I tend to shrug my shoulders, wipe the dirt off and slowly move - this isn't the case.

I can pinpoint exactly when over the course of the past ten years that I've felt betrayed/hurt so much that it's literally taken years to get over the hurt. One was Jorge and the second was Cruz. In both these cases I never tried to closely examine where the hurt was stemming from - I guess it was easier to self pity my situation and harp on it for years - and in no way is this guy hold the place in my heart that Cruz did, but the similarities in hurt are similar but will not have the same outcome - GUARANTEED!

Wo what was so hard to shake off? My ass essentially, but not literally.

For weeks I convinced myself that he was the more dominant person and that I was more submissive. This wasn't the
first time this has happened with a guy I've dated, but this was the first time I've confided in someone and
consciously and verbally acknowledged that I'd most likely play the role of a the bottom in our relationship if things
were to progress.

As I rambled onto Wendy I spit the previous paragraph out and then like a deer in a headlight I had to sit down and reflect. "Wendy," I said. "That's it. *THE LIGHTBULB MOMENT* I not only gave him my honesty but I gave him the confirmation that I was the submissive one." Wendy being the quiet straight girl couldn't identify with the situation but could understand how that admission to him could effect me so profoundly and set me back so.

Now that I've had several days to sit and realize my true feelings I can't tell you how much better I've felt. Yes, I am still sad and definitely feel like texting the guy to tell him I miss him and want to hangout like we used to but I know the feel is not mutual so why put it on text? I'm tired of feeling vulnerable and having my heart served up on a golden platter. It's not fun when you're misunderstood and it's certainly more painful when a person sees you for something your not - you tend to
ask the questions "What went wrong?" or "Was I wrong?"

I guess the two things I've realized is that being verbal with your problems is healthy and even if you end up being hurt by someone your crushing on at the very end it's totally worth it because you can't regret being yourself at the end of the day.


Guess who showed Damien & Francesco the Hollywood Walk of Fame today? I also got to interview Robert Van Damme and quiz him about his new porn company, online studio and videos: past and present. Robert is a hot 40 year old man who is proud of his age... I love me some him - stay tuned for the pictures and video!


Yesterday I went to the Westfield Mall in Sherman Oaks with a friend of mine to buy a birthday gift and grab a quick bite to eat. Waiting for our delicious lunch from the Middle Eastern restaurant, I checked my mail from my iPhone (as I do every five or ten minutes) and I was shocked at a certain WiFi network I could join. Needless to say the network is not what I usually go for and as I passed it also left a bad taste in my mouth!

The question is, should I call the mall and let them know that someone in their food court has an obscene WiFi network? Hmmm

Monday, February 23, 2009


No matter how sad I might seem, come Wednesday morning I will be elated when my friends Francesco and Damien are coming to Los Angeles to stay with me for three days! I love playing tour guide with people who are from out of town. Why? Because no matter what you show them you know they will be impressed.

Francesco and I have known each other for years. We first bonded *literally* a few years ago in Vegas. We rode the roller coaster, had dinner, tramped around the AVN Convention and I think we had lunch. When we were both in Chicago we were able to walk around the city with each other the final day we were there. I think we walked for two hours after breakfast - it's nice to reconnect with someone like Francesco, he has always been a sweet man to me and I am so glad to call him my friend.

Damien and I haven't known each other as long as Francesco and I but we speak a lot on MySpace. The picture you seen to the right is one of the first times I met him, I was star struck... now I can careless *wink*!!!! Damien has always been a favorite porn star of mine. I've seen very few movies of his but I think he's a favorite because of his persona. How old am I getting that I think men are more sexually hot when I find out more about their personality?

I remember Jason Sechrest telling me last year that he is more attracted to mind than facial features. I really couldn't identify with him then but now I am in total sync with what he meant - Jason is an old soul that is way too ahead of his time.

I am not sure what Damien and Francesco and I will do while they're in town but they will be taking my room for three days so it's the couch for me - anyone have a spare room? Perhaps they'll let me squeeze in between the two of them *wink*! If you have any good ideas as to where I should take them let me know... I really can't wait to see them!!!!


I'm impressed, my interview with Marcus Steele has retained soooo many unique hits on If you haven't seen it yet, please do so now and click on the following link to view it:




After a great night of hanging with Adrian and sis Phyllis, not to mention all the laughing, drinking and meeting new people I made my way home to Monrovistan and enjoyed a small cry.

The cry wasn't to pity myself, instead it was to vent my frustrations with the past few weeks. Whether it be my mistakes or the mistakes other have made I had to just let it out and cry. After I wiped my cheek and came back into reality I then wondered if I
should blog my cry or not - I decided to sleep on it.

Driving this morning to take my brother to get a rental car I stayed quiet in the car pondering what I would write and how I would phrase my cry. Usually I have a reason or am inspired to cry, they're not spontaneous. For instance, two weeks ago when my father had his heart attack, my dog choked on rawhide and I was dumped by the guy I was casually seeing, I had a cry while driving to see my father at the hospital... and it was quite spectacular, especially since it was triggered by seeing a lady crying in the car next to me as she was the passenger of another car. I didn't know her, I had no idea what caused her pain but I could relate that we all need to cry to vent - and last night I did just that.

I have come to realize in my 30's that there are many things that are simply out of my control, and if I can't control it then I should choose the HEALTHIER option and to give up that angst and attempt to move on. The problem? I'm extremely sensitive, trusting and bold. I think being a combo of those three are tragic flaws when combined. Why? Being bold makes you fun. Trusting people makes you vulnerable. Staying sensitive allows you to cry in the car and then move on.

WOW... maybe the combination isn't so bad.

Saturday, February 21, 2009


I am guilty of not deeply reading everyones profile or checking all of my friends pictures on Facebook. Not only is it almost impossible to keep up-to-date with all the postings and pictures that are updated daily -sometimes every other minute.
Last night my friend Rossmar posted a random story *or so I thought* about porn in the Los Angeles area. "I'll get to it and breeze over the article to see what it says.... eventually," I thought to myself. Fast forward 12 hours and I have a few minutes before I step out for my morning coffee. I open the article and am shocked that the story wasn't SPAMMED, being sent to 20 of his closest friends *not that Rossmar does this but it's a common occurrence on Facebook and MySpace. I was also shocked that my former place of employment, Cybersocket, was mentioned in the article... totally crazy.

The article is written by popular columnist Steve Lopez and of course has his old-fashioned humor and interjections, keeping the story light-hearted, yet informative.

Click here to read the story:,0,4761196,full.column


I'm not sure if it was leaked or what but tonight on the radio KROQ said that Depeche Mode will play their two Los Angeles gigs in August at the Hollywood Bowl - I've never seen a show there before so I'm excited that they are playing somewhere else besides the Staples Center or The Forum.


Depeche Mode performed *lip-synched* their new single 'Wrong,' in Germany. Am I biased or is this song just an amazing new effort? I just wish Perez would help the band out and give them so publicity. Please P-Nasty, help MODE out, it's just 'WRONG' not to!


It was leaked days before it was supposed to! Surprisingly KROQ 106.7 came through and debuted 'WRONG,' the new single from Depeche Mode. I've been agonizing when I was going to be able to hear it for weeks now. Sad but true scenario is that I would check YouTube five to six times a day, spending at least 15 minutes each time entering different keywords to find the new song - no such luck, Depeche Mode kept this single a secret right up to the very last minute!

The song was touted as the closest thing to rap that the band would ever get and much to my surprise "they" were so right, the song consists nothing but rhymes. Wanna hear? Click PLAY below to hear the new DEPECHE MODE song that could easily be apart of their album Some Great Reward!

Friday, February 20, 2009


It's almost comical how one vague posting on Facebook rallies everyone in the Universe to think that it's about them or referring to them.

Last night, at work I posted a status as 'If it hasn't happened by now, it likely won't.' That wasn't the exact wording but that goes to show how spontaneous the thought was. What did it mean? Lord, I had to explain that to Angela as soon as she saw it - she wasn't sure what to think. For the most part it was related to searching for jobs, putting my resume out there and not receiving any phone calls. When you go a week and hear nothing I think it's safe to say that you're not going to hear anything - or is that a negative thought pattern? I remember telling my friend Daniel that the very thought of his job being eliminated and mentally preparing for it was the worst thing to do.

Actually this week has been a whole lot of thinking and planning for the future and actually on my way to West Hollywood today I had an OPRAH light bulb moment when things click and all of your thoughts kind of connect. Vague? Yes, a tad... I don't want to give too much away but it feels good when your thoughts and reality can connect and you have a great game plan for what to do next in your life. I guess the best hint is to say that I had my weekly (they are turning into weekly now) meeting with Micky's and there are going to be some BIG things moving in that bar. The meeting wasn't everything I wanted but I felt as if it would have been best to sit on my hands and let the show take shape and then try to pull Angel in at a later date. I think it's no big secret that I want Angel involved with Cocktails on a weekly basis but it's going to take planning, funding and strategy to get him on board. No doubt everyone likes the idea but we just need to build up the night and then include him.

This morning at 2 a.m. the North American Tour Dates for Depeche Mode's big 2009 tour was posted online. It's a bit odd how I predicted they'd open up in Toronto. Actually, I didn't predict it I knew they would, there was not an ounce of doubt in my body that they would open up anywhere else but in Toronto. Why? I want to visit the city. I know it sounds funny that I think thats why they decided to open up in that city but I literally convinced myself of it and it happened. (See Daniel, it works *wink*) I have officially planned to see them in Toronto and making a mini-tour of seeing them on the East Coast for the 'Touring the Universe' tour. Fun huh? Crazy? A bit. For their tour information log onto This is not their official site but this one has a lot more information which is 99.9 percent accurate - so check them out

Wednesday, February 18, 2009




My new interview is up at and I have to say that it's pretty flawless.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


It's dually nice and yet a little odd when people walk up to me outside a club and ask me how I'm doing - this happened twice this past weekend. While one was a friend, the other was someone I really didn't know. Both of them said that they read my blog. Not only were the words I write about my father concerned one of them *Will*, but the music I featured was a little troubling and they thought I was having a down week - don't we all?


It the state of our economy saving money is definitely a good thing, especially when it comes to entertainment. However isn't it funny that unless you are conscience 24/7 with your money you just end up breaking even, go figure!

Buying the new Morrissey album for $10 is ridiculous, especially when Amazon is selling it for half that, yah I lost $5.

Waiting an extra week for the new Bird and the Bee album to be given to me for free instead of shelling
out $10 was smart! Note: Suzie Orman would be proud, I saved $10!

Opening Joseph's cubby to discover the All American Rejects and Frank Sinatra's Love Songs was a smart movie - I saved at least $25, crazy!

Receiving 37 adult movies in the mail to review within two weeks is even crazier. How much money is that? Well, assuming I'm into all of the movies *wink*

Monday, February 16, 2009


When I was in my early teens I was close friends with a girl named Erica. Erica was not only my best friend but she was my first crush of my teen years - in my mind I saw myself marrying her and having a family. The details are too many to list but among my favorites was the book cover (made out of a single paper bag, remember those?) that said 'I Love Erica.' She found it, I flung it across the room and it was never discussed. Over the next decade we became even closer friends and would spend the weekends with each other. She eventually moved an hour away - and when you're without a car that's a great distance - we convinced her parents as well as mine to drive us to each other for one weekend out of the month so we could spend the night at each other's house and live out some crazy weekends, oh I got some stories.

I can recall one weekend we stumbled upon an old Carpenters tape and we played it a few hundred times. One of our favorite songs was 'Close to You.' I can also remember me acting it out, singing it to Erica with fake trumpets and an impromptu microphone which was likely a pencil or something silly like that. The Carpenters have so many romantic songs but this one is how I'm feeling today.

Another song that reminds me of Erica and is the way I feel today is the song by Chicago called 'Hard to Say I'm Sorry.' The album that contains this song was also a favorite of Erica and mine, in fact I believe we wore the tape out and then purchased the CD together. 'Sorry,' was a song that we both liked yet it didn't necessarily mean anything to us - no deep meaning attached, that's what I'm trying to say. I can remember we'd cry and cry and cry listening to the song! I can even remember dedicating song to her on KOST 103.5 one night as a nighttime love song dedication. Yes I taped it and yes I probably have it somewhere in the house *blush*

Do these two songs have a dedication attached to Erica? Not necessarily but I think pretty much speak for themselves and give weight to everyday life experiences and feelings that we all hold onto.

Sunday, February 15, 2009


I figured out today that the ego is among the most tragic body part to damage.

Unlike a bone, the ego is not something that can be throw into a cast and is expected to heal in a six to eight time period. More like a muscle, the ego is something that human beings constantly work at to make stronger, unfortunately the bigger they are the easier they fall (or shattered when it comes to love.) If the ego is like a muscle it takes a lot of physical therapy via social interactions aided with time to heal.

I've realized that a bruised super-ego, or if you want to get technical your ID can best be healed by humility and friendship.


I've made up my mind,
Don't need to think it over,
If I'm wrong I am right,
Don't need to look no further,
This ain't lust,
I know this is love but,

If I tell the world,
I'll never say enough,
Cause it was not said to you,
And that's exactly what I need to do,
If I'm in love with you,

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

I'm so proud that my girl, Adele, won best new artist at The Grammy's last Sunday, for the past year (or so) she's been one of my favorite NEW artists to listen to, especially her song 'Chasing Pavements.' Many people shunned her for being a larger frame girl and by not having a 100 percent pop-infectious album according to America's standards. I think in the last year her album has sold steadily and now that she has won the gold Grammy she is as good as gold, literally!

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Many said that the four hip-hop/rap super stars that performed together at the Grammy's last Sunday was an important thing for the respective community -eh, I don't think so. Probably the best performance of the night, in my eyes, was the one between Coldplay and JayZ... did you see it?

If you missed it you're lucky, you can purchase both the video and/or the song alone on iTunes. Do it! You won't regret it. Below is the song 'LOST,' by Coldplay with the same rap that JayZ did on the Grammy's.



My father was discharged from the hospital today and while I am so thankful that the heart attack wasn't anything too serious the incident reminds me that he is not getting any younger. When my mom died I never thought about my parents getting older, let alone dying. After she died I finally took into account that parents do eventually pass, this past week I've given some serious thought about my father getting up there in age... BUT, he's an amazing man and I feel that we are closer now than we have ever been - I love my father.

DECISION 2009: Wii or PS3

For a few months I've been thinking about buying a video game system for my room. The only question is which one do I get: Wii or PS3? I need some help here....

I think I'll like the Wii because of the fun sports games that are interactive. One the other hand I've been told that PS3 has more games that are adult oriented and keep your attention span. The PS3 is about $100 more than the Wii however I've also heard that you can play BluRay discs on the system as well as previous games from PS2. I don't know too much about the Wii, again I need some help for Decision 2009.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


On the way home today from the hospital I encountered some protestors in the Los Feliz area. Right before I turned onto the freeway I spotted a huge banner that said 'GOOGLE/YOUTUBE BUILDING 7.' Not too sure what the 25 demonstrators were picketing I then noticed their signs that were referring to the terrorist attacks of 9/11 - or what they think was an insider job from the Bush Administration. As an American my first response to shake my head in disbelief and turn away, however the journalist in me couldn't wait to open YouTube up on my iPhone and check out this 'Building 7.' Of course I did it and here's what I found... what are your thoughts? It does make you think, but is thinking make you unpatriotic?

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


Could this be the new iPhone, it's an amazing mockup if it is.
The iPhone is a great phone and this new design is just what the 'do-it-all' machine needs to catch up to the 21 Century.

Please, please, please Apple go with this design!!!

Monday, February 9, 2009


Love leave me alone
Ive got troubles of my own
I do believe that I have paid the price
For all the things Ive said and done
Every little thing that seemed to go wrong

How many times
Will I regret the chances taken?
Why do I end up
Always the one who is mistaken?

Love leave me to sleep
Let me wallow in my dreams
Till the icy past fades away
The dawning of a brand new day
The echoes of the past that still remind me

How many times
Will I regret the chances taken?
Why do I end up
Always the one who is mistaken?


Call me morbid, call me pale
I've spent too long on your trail
Far too long
Chasing your tail
And if you have five seconds to spare
Then I'll tell you the story of my life
Sixteen, clumsy and shy
That's the story of my life

I love this song- and the lyrics, especially the last two verses *in bold*!


I was invited to a prom at Temple City High School with my friend Cindy and Heidi so of course I went. I can't remember exactly where it was but I do remember it was by the beach. I also remember going on a crazy all-night adventure after that too... oh the things we did when we were young. Thanks Heidi for the foto!!!!


I don't know why Craigslist postings still surprise me. I was searching for jobs this morning and found the following posting. It reminds me of Brandon Baker and something he would post! The picture is a bit small (below) so here is the text:

"Very busy, highly reputable Professional Dominatrix is seeking a professionally minded personal female assistant with good organizational skills to help in the day to day running of an established business. Duties include moderate computer work and the handling of heavy phones. Send a resume. Base pay @ $10 per hour + potential commission."

Sunday, February 8, 2009

All Apologies

I haven't blogged in a few weeks. I'm sorry. The sad thing is that I can't particularly say anything monumental happened in these past few weeks, however I could attribute it to a bit of writers block/laziness.

Over the past few weeks I've been dating a guy, I believe I've mentioned this numerous times, and everything has been working out very nicely. I haven chosen not to talk too much about him on this blog because the times we have shared have been truly special and, well... different than any other relationship I've had in the past.

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